“Wait, you can’t be falling asleep already! That’s not good.”
“The person next to me said he was a bit tired…”
A timid excuse offered in response to the emcee’s firm scolding drew small laughs from those nearby. It was 8:30 a.m. on Saturday, November 15, just over an hour after the bus had departed from Jogyesa Temple in Seoul bound for Sudeoksa Temple, a thousand-year-old monastery in Yesan, South Chungcheong Province. Considering the lifestyle of ordinary office workers, dozing off at this hour might seem understandable. But this was no ordinary outing. These were men and women who had competed fiercely for a chance to meet a potential partner.

The Jogye Order’s Social Welfare Foundation hosts a temple-stay dating program called “I Go to the Temple.” After gaining popularity among people in their 20s and 30s, requests poured in for a program for participants in their 40s, leading to this special “40s edition.” Applicants between the ages of 37 and 49 exceeded 1,000, and after a strict screening process, 20 finalists, 10 men and 10 women, were selected. Due to several cases where photos differed significantly from real-life appearances, video submissions were required as well. Most participants lived in Seoul or the metropolitan area, though others came from Busan and Jeju. I accompanied the group during the two-day program held at Sudeoksa Temple on November 15 and 16.

The schedule was tightly packed to make efficient use of the short time. Before boarding the bus, participants drew lots to determine their seats. During the 3-hour 20-minute trip, the group stopped at two rest areas, drawing partners again using personal belongings for another round of random matching. Each participant would talk with three partners in total. They used nicknames like “Man No.1” and “Woman No.3” instead of real names. Introductions began as soon as the bus departed, giving a rough idea of everyone’s background, job titles typical for people in their 40s, hints about income levels, and so on. After all, this was a practical event meeting real-life needs. Interestingly, many said running was their hobby. When one participant cheerfully suggested forming a running club even if couples did not form, the organizers firmly reminded the group. “The purpose of this event is to help tackle the low birth rate.”

Sudeoksa Temple, adorned with brilliant autumn foliage, was crowded with visitors. People flocked to the “I Go to the Temple” signboard to take photos and offer well-wishes, “Hope you find love!” After lunch and the opening Buddhist ceremony, participants immediately moved into a session to explore each other’s inner selves: 100 minutes of one-on-one conversations, 10 minutes per person. Short but intense moments of connection, impassioned explanations, empathetic nods, polite smiles, fluttered back and forth.

In the first selection round to choose dinner partners, the men took turns pointing to the women they preferred. After dinner dates came recreational activities, and based on the points earned, the women got to choose their partners for the nighttime date. Observing the atmosphere throughout the day, it became clear which pairs might eventually form. Some participants, armed with natural social charm, chatted away with ease, while others lingered on the sidelines. Watching people spend precious time wandering the spacious temple grounds alone, or chatting only with same-sex participants, was frustrating. “You beat odds of hundreds to one to get here. Go talk to someone!”

Even during the talent show, rather than upbeat idol performances, most chose gentle ballads like Noh Sa-yeon’s “Wishes” or Sung Si-kyung’s “Two People,” or recited poems like Moon Byung-ran’s “Prologue to Fate.” The MC, seeing the lukewarm energy, joked, “I’ve never seen a group this low-key in years,” urging everyone to “turn up the tension!”

Before the final partner selection, participants shared closing remarks. Amid warm well-wishes, one person spoke up cautiously. “I know temple life naturally involves sitting on the floor, but for the next event, it would be great if chairs could be provided.” The applause and laughter suggested many understood the sentiment. After all, the groans each time people stood up or sat down had been noticeable. In the end, three couples formed. As promised by the head monk, Venerable Dosin, each couple received a cash gift. But compared with the usual 70-percent success rate, this was a steep drop. Some commented, “It might be difficult to run programs for people in their 40s again,” or, “Maybe age really isn’t just a number.” Another joked, “Maybe it’s because of Sudeoksa Temple’s founding legend.”

That legend goes like this. Long ago, a young man named Jeonghye fell in love with a woman named Sudeok, who told him she would marry him only if he built a temple. After he completed the temple, Jeonghye took her hand, but she vanished. She had been an incarnation of Avalokiteshvara Bodhisattva. A noble tale in a spiritual sense, perhaps, but from a worldly perspective, could there be a sadder ending?